As a young girl, my imagination was always in motion, driven by a constant desire to draw, create, write, or build something new. Even in those early years, I sensed a building spirit within me, though I lacked the vocabulary to articulate it. I instinctively understood that I had a mindset focused on improvement and innovation. Growing up, I became resourceful, quickly learning to repair broken items and make the most of what I had on hand. In my household, it was quite normal to know how to do a little bit of everything. Some would word it as being self-sufficient, resourceful, versatile, multi-faceted or multi-potential. It was a thing and a thing to be proud of.
Over time, resourcefulness turned into a firm arm of self-dependence. I looked at it. I could fix it. Just give me a moment, and I'd have it. Maybe there's a video for that... let me look. It got to the point where, when others needed assistance, their first impulse was to leave their 'broken pieces' for me to examine. It was a proud and lonely place to be because, while sometimes I expected to be helped with the heavy, shattered parts I had, I was disappointed to learn that I had to work it out on my own. I knew I could work things out, but I was becoming exhausted.
In 2021, I hit a metaphorical wall. My mind was fatigued from constantly figuring things out and entered halt mode. God started showing me a statement, "Be still." Be still? What does that even mean? I later figured out it was a scripture. Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." Learning that it was a scripture didn't make things clearer; instead, it raised new questions. What is this? What does it mean for me? What are you trying to say to me? God, I don't get it. God took me into training for two whole years to learn about stillness and bringing down my pillars of self-dependence. I was a mini-genius because I had cultivated many skills, but my true genius didn't come from my efforts, but from God.
Related: I said Yes to God, No and Yes, Again
I realised this phase of not being able to figure everything out was intentional. It wasn't to hurt me but to heal me. It was a necessary halt to rest, unravel and be renewed. It was an opportunity for the wind to blow in and sweep out old thoughts, old strategies and old ways of looking at things. When I stopped striving to figure it out, the flow from a gentle pace brought greater clarity. The flow from a gentle pace brought peace. Something I didn't realise I had been yearning for. The revelation of the power of stillness became strikingly mind-blowing.
Not knowing how to figure out what I was holding was daunting. But I didn't have to figure it out on my own. I had the assistance of a Father, who wanted to help me. And when I didn't want to figure it out, being able to push things over on His table and off of mine was comforting. Sighs in relief.
If you are in front of a puzzle that you can't find the right pieces for, it's ok. The anxiety is real. The chaos is real. But so is the truth that a loving God is there who genuinely wants to help you. Embrace the stillness, and you may find the clarity and peace you've been longing for.
Check out Nerline's blog to read about her journey of Embracing Stillness: A Quiet Journey Through Womanhood
I enjoyed reading your article. " Be still and know that I am God" I have been meditating. What was revealed to me was the fact that " The kingdom of God is within ME." Thank you so much for this post. It was so beautifully written. .
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by. I really appreciate you. I'm glad something resonated with you from my story.
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