Changing Careers and Battling Depression

When I learned the word Psychology and what it meant- I decided that's exactly what I want to do. I don't remember the age that I made this decision but I do know it was while I was in high school. I participated in forums and Yahoo Answers which helps to educate me about this field that I wanted to be a part of. 

I'd say I prepared myself with as much of the information that I thought I needed to know. When I got to university, I was excited but nervous about what the experience was really going to be like. The first semester was amazing. The second semester, I learned the bomber that we need to go further in our studies if we wanted to be Psychologists. In my second year, after taking some advice I decided to change the course of study to Teacher Education and minored in Counselling. The short story is I didn't do well at all. My grades were horrible. At the time, the Counselling courses were the only classes that I was actually passing and my GPA seriously took a whooping. 

After speaking with my family, I decided to return to Psychology and minored in Secondary Education. I second-guessed this decision due to the constant queries of the 'lack of jobs' for persons in my field. I questioned it everyday if I had made the right decision to go back to my first major but it felt right. Even though I mentally struggled with it and the opinions of everyone else didn't make it easier. But, it just felt right. When I got to my final year, I was pleased with myself that I followed through and finished my programme. 

Approaching graduation, I started to get the questions about when I'd do my Masters, what would I specialize in, where would you do it... At my graduation, I had no idea where I wanted to go next but I was very hopeful for the future.

After graduation, I struggled to get a job and did a temporary post for over a year before I got into a Guidance Counselling role. I decided to go this route to expose myself to the school environment as I had two options in mind of where I'd do my Masters- Counselling Psychology working with children or teens or Marriage and Family. 

I went on so many interviews for a Guidance Counsellor position but many of them were simply potholes in the road. I even heard disheartening comments about whether I'd get such a role with my degree (I've said it nicely). I finally got a contract role at a primary school and I was amped and ready to do well. A few months into the role, I sat looking at the paperwork on my desk and I said in my heart, "This isn't it. But, why isn't this is? I tried so hard to get here. I love the students, I love the projects I get to do with them but something is missing." It wasn't the best work environment but the thorn in my flesh became how do I answer this question. Why isn't this it?

I kept applying for GC roles when my contract ended. Potholes now turned into dead-ends and I was left to wrestle internally with what next. And wrestle fiercely as we experienced Corona, lockdowns and the new anxiety of the life before us. Approaching the end of 2020, I concluded that I was going to do a career change. Where was I going? I didn't know but I was definitely going somewhere. 

On top of this feeling that I had, I started to realize that there were some relationships in my life where people expected me to show up as a role and not a person. I wasn't a Guidance Counsellor 24/7. That was my job but I didn't want to be that in my personal life as well. And as weird as it might seem to you reading this, it was another thing that made me decide that it was time to change course.

One day, a friend of mine sent me a text message about a job vacancy for a Guidance Counsellor role and I said, "I've decided to change careers and I will be moving into another field."

I suffered so much as I wondered. Am I making the right decision? 

But, all I knew was there was something more that I wanted to do though I wasn't 100% clear on it. 

Although, I struggled with being unemployed and the pandemic did not make job hunting easier. Expanding my scope was actually really good for me. 

I had the opportunity to enroll in a Digital Marketing course the following year and then started a role in Content Marketing. 

And it was at this point that it finally hit me. This whole time, my identity was wrapped in which career path I chose. So, when I hit a wall I believed it meant that I failed greatly. Ultimately, making me a failure. And that was the mindset I had for a very long time. 

As I reflected, I remembered in my first year of university, one of my lecturers shared his story of how he changed his major five times before he settled. The whole class laughed about it then. But, with my feet pressed to the ground and a mind looking in hindsight, I realized that life has never been linear. It's ebbs and flows. Decisions. Consequences. Errors and lessons. And I was really too hard on myself.

I've had many examples of those who chose a way and stuck to it to the end. And I wanted that. I did have to realize that I had a journey of my own. And only I could take it. 

I've had the opportunity to learn about myself, work on my mindset and boundaries. And a major takeaway from this journey is: 'my career is what I do, who I am is completely different.' 

Looking back, I could have benefitted from Career Counselling or therapy while I was at university to navigate the decision and feelings that I struggled with. I also accept that no experience is wasted. 

This year will mark three years since I've been out of the classroom. I was invited to facilitate a class last month and my method of teaching hasn't changed drastically. I sat down and wrote up my lesson plan and all. I'm side eyeing myself but it had to be done. But, the way that I delivered the content was very different. 

I've had many battles with myself, my decisions and the opinions of everyone around me. Now, I've stepped into a season of becoming who I am called to be. And some days this looks like walking with my eyes closed, holding God's hand and asking, "Are we there yet?".

Have you ever faced a challenge that had you caught between two opinions? I'd love to hear about it in the comments.